October - 2016

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The Words People Say

You don’t have to be funny to write funny, you just need to listen. In the queue at the supermarket, sitting on the bus, in the dentist’s waiting room; people all around you are coming out with wonderful comedy and they don’t even realise. Hear it, remember it, write it in your notebook and then use it. I’ve decided to turn my notebook into a blog.

YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT’S HAPPENED

Two women, queueing for the toilet on the BA flight, were travelling together and discussing wigs, the shorter haired woman saying that she used to wear one occasionally. “I do remember years ago, we’d been to a party and drunk a bit too much,” she started. “And we decided to drive home. I drove because he was more drunk than me. But I had to have all the windows down to try to get me sober. Anyway, all of a sudden I’ve careered into the central reservation, and the car has r

DO YOU EVER DO THAT?

I received a text from a friend last week. Her: I seem to have a habit of ordering inappropriate drinks when I’m nervous. Do you ever do that? Me: I don’t think so. Her: The other day I wanted an almond latte but the guy serving was super hot. Me: And? Her: So I ordered a double espresso.

WE THINK HE MIGHT BE GAY

Two friends, who seemed not to have seen each other for some time, were catching up in the pub, both tucking into Sunday roast. “2016 hasn’t been a good year for us,” said the man. “My brother and his wife split up.” He woman said that she was sorry to hear that. The man carried on. “You see, we think he might be gay. But he’s not letting on if he is.” The woman nodded, her mouth full of roast potato. “He’s still very friendly with Sarah,” continued the man. “Oh well, proba